Teatre Talia

Teatre Talia

Calle Cavallers 31

46001 Valencia

(in the heart of Valencia's Carmen district)

Una Más y Nos Vamos (One More and We're Outta Here)
From April 30 until May 19

En una noche cualquiera, de una semana santa cualquiera, en un bar de copas cualquiera, regentado por un tipo que no es un cualquiera, se cuela un extraño hombre vestido de nazareno quien, sin respetar que el bar se encuentra cerrado al público, pide pan para torrijas, desesperado por no poder cumplir el antojo de embarazo de su esposa.

On any given night, during any old holy week, in any old bar, run by a guy who isn't just anyone, a man slips in who appears dressed like he's from Nazareth. He doesn't seem to care that the bar is closed for the night as he asks for some bread, pained that he is unable to fulfill the craving of his pregnant wife.

For Ticket Information

Painting Over the Fine Line Between Art and Vandalism

(based on a true story)

{RAISE YOUR HANDS AND STEP AWAY FROM THE CRAYONS!} 

I hate to be a critic and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but your kid’s artwork is freaking terrible. I doubt this was your intention but if I had an awful picture like that on the door of my refrigerator I’d stop eating. That “Happy Mommy & Daddy & Baby” they were shooting for looks more like a pre-school version of the Manson family.  I know that these days we’re all about building up a kid’s self-esteem but looking at your toddler’s ghastly attempt at representative art is like being forced to view an open wound.

A lot of people would just shut their traps and not say anything about the oeuvre of someone else’s progeny.  I’m sorry but I think that is just cowardly, or passive-aggressive, at best, so I decided to do something about it. I’ve started a company that sells children’s artwork that actually isn’t completely appalling. You can buy one of our works and replace that finger-painted crime scene you have hanging on the wall of your office.  You’ll be doing everyone who enters your work space a huge favor and your kid never comes to visit so they won’t know.  Judging by their work I’d wager that even if the little ones do drop by to visit daddy they probably aren’t bright enough to realize you made the switch.  Do you have any idea how awkward it is for coworkers and clients to look at that trash and not wonder what a lousy parent you must be for allowing your child to pollute the world with their drawings and finger paintings?  You wouldn’t allow your kid to go around lighting fires so stop letting him spill paint everywhere.

All of our paintings are done by trained professionals working within age-appropriate boundaries so that you can make your orders according to your age-specific needs. We offer a range of quality starting at simply acceptable drawings that you won’t be ashamed of and won’t lead others to think that your kid suffers from some crippling mental illness.  The quality goes up from, “Wow, your kid isn’t half-bad” to people thinking you have a little Picasso living under your roof who shares your DNA. We guarantee that friends and relatives will no longer use adjectives like “disturbing” and “eyesore” or “Yikes!” when they talk about your child’s work.

Help us help you to keep it a secret that your child doesn’t have a shred of talent in the art department. Or you can keep taping atrocious crap on your refrigerator which only gives the kids the message that their stuff actually pleases you when we both know that is pretty far from the truth.

International Olive Oil Competition

From The Olive Oil Times

Spanish extra virgin olive oils received a total of 51 awards including two best of class at the New York International Olive Oil Competition.

Over 700 entries from 22 countries were subjected to a blind taste test to select the world’s best olive oils for 2013 at last week’s competition, which was held at the International Culinary Center in New York. Spain finished second only to Italy, the country with the most entries in the competition.

Spain, with its haul of two best of class and 25 gold earned a total of 51 awards for the event. Spanish EVOO companies Masia el Altet, located in the Alcoy Mountains of Alicante, and Andalusian producer Finca La Torre both took home best of class awards for their respective categories, North Medium Intensity Blend and North Medium Intensity Monovarietal. Both oils received scores of 9.50 of a possible 10.0.

Another big winner for the year was Aceites Melgarejo, who received two gold awards, with a score of 8.60 in the Robust Monovarietal category with its Arbequina, and 8.20 for their Picual. The company was founded in 1995, but strives to continue a rich history of olive farming that has been carried out by the family for generations. Located in Jaén, one of the regions most known for olive oil production in the world, olive oils from Melgarejo have received no less than 22 prizes this year alone.

Other top Spanish scorers included Venta del Barón from Córdoba and Aciete Novecientos from the province of Jaén, which both scored an impressive 9.50 in their categories. Popular Spanish export, Chef José Andrés, also received a gold award for the olive oil to which he lends his name, José Andrés by Casas de Hualdo Secret Blend, which scored a 9.0 in the Robust Blend category.

The winning olive oils from Spain are below. The full list of winners can be found at the Best Olive Oils website.

Feria del libro de Valencia 2013

El 25 de Abril la Fira del llibre vuelve a los jardines de Viveros de Valencia, para conmemorar un dia tan importante para nuestra cultura como es el dia del libro. Este año, la feria se alargará hasta el dia 5 de mayo y contará con una extensa agenda de actividades y firmas de los autores. Para mas información visiten la página web del evento http://www.firallibre.com.

Bowdoin Spanish Grammar

If you are looking to learn some Spanish or polish up the Spanish you may have learned in school I highly recommend Bowdoin Spanish Grammar. A concise outline of essential grammar structures based on John Turner's All the Spanish Grammar You Really Need to Know. This website covers everything from basics to the most advanced grammar. You can check your progress with online exercises.  ¡Buena suerte!

Grammar vs Vocabulary

The goal of a writer is to write something that others care to read.  Correct grammar may or may not play much of a part in achieving this end.

As a student of foreign languages I will take vocabulary over grammar seven days a week. This isn’t to say that I don’t study grammar but if you don’t know a word no amount of good grammar is going to bail you out linguistically.

If you’re going to be enough of an jerk to correct someone’s grammar you had better be right 100% of the time or you are the biggest jerk in history. Even if you are always right that might not keep me from punching you in the neck. Grammar isn’t in itself communication; it’s simply a tool that can make communication clearer. Language is the wine and grammar is merely the glass. Sometimes people like to drink right from the bottle. Get over it.

I am a very firm believer in the Oxford comma.

Valecnia CF vs Málaga CF @ 22:00

The battle for the fourth spot in La Liga continues this evening at Mestalla. Will Valencia qualify for next season Champions League?

Fifth-placed Malaga, who play at fellow European hopefuls Valencia, one place below them in sixth, on Saturday have earned a UEFA ban from continental competition from next season due to delays in payments to creditors.

They are appealing the sanction at the Court of Arbitration for Sport (CAS) and are confident they will be allowed to take up their place in the Europa League, Europe's second-tier club competition, or the elite Champions League if they manage to overhaul fourth-placed Real Sociedad.

Their hearing at Lausanne, Switzerland-based CAS is on May 14 and a decision is expected sometime around the middle of June, a Malaga spokesman said on Thursday.

Malaga and Valencia both have 50 points from 31 matches, with Malaga ahead thanks to a superior goal difference, while Sociedad, who play at struggling Osasuna on Sunday, are four clear in fourth on 54 points.

As well as off-field problems, the players, whose wages were delayed amid doubts over the commitment of owner Sheikh Abdullah Al Thani, have had to cope with the bitter disappointment of this month's Champions League exit at Borussia Dortmund.

They were within touching distance of a place in the last four on their debut in the competition but conceded two goals in added time and the German side went through instead.

Malaga picked themselves up to snatch a last-gasp 1-0 win at home to Osasuna last weekend and midfielder Manuel Iturra believes they are in good shape for the end of the campaign.

"The entire team is at an excellent level, both physically and in football terms," he told a news conference on Wednesday.
"I hope that we can keep it up because this is the most important part of the season and will define what happens next year," added the Chilean.

Malaga have some tough games remaining, including trips to play leaders Barcelona and second-placed champions Real Madrid, but Iturra noted that Sociedad still have to play Real and Valencia at home.

"They have difficult games left as well against direct rivals so the fight for the fourth Champions League place is going to be a close one," he said.

"We'll take each game at a time knowing that the points available at our Rosaleda stadium must stay at home if we want to be in the mix for fourth."

In French coach Philippe Montanier's second term in charge, Sociedad have been the surprise of the season after a 21-game run with only one defeat - a 4-3 reverse at Real Madrid in January when captain Xabi Prieto scored a hat-trick.

They finished as La Liga runners up to Real Madrid in 2003 but since then have spent three seasons in the second division and slipped into financial administration.

They have successfully developed a team built around a majority of youth academy players and blended them with imports such as Mexico striker Carlos Vela.

"I don't think things could be going any better for us right now," defender Inigo Martinez said on Wednesday.

"You can see that we are in good shape and playing well and more than capable of beating any opponent and staying up there in the table," he added. "Now is when we have to give everything, even more than we have been."
Barca, meanwhile, have a 13-point lead over champions Real at the top and victory in their next three matches, including Saturday's game at home to Levante, will clinch a fourth La Liga title in five years.
They could get their hands on the trophy sooner if their arch rivals, who host seventh-placed Real Betis on Saturday, slip up.
Real have long-since given up on their title defence and winning a 10th European crown is their overwhelming priority.
Jose Mourinho's side play the first leg of their Champions League semi-final at Dortmund on Wednesday, with Barca at Bayern Munich the previous day. The return legs are the following week.

Top Ten Beastly Spanish Expressions

courtesy of The Local, Spanish news in English.

In Spanish, to say someone is weirder than a green dog means they are very odd. "Es más raro que un perro verde, se pone la ropa de su abuela." - He's so weird, he wears his grandma's clothes.

To be like a goat is used to describe somebody who's nuts. "¡Está como una cabra!"- He's bonkers.

To lift the hare is like letting the cat out of the bag. "No se quien levantó la liebre pero ahora todo el mundo sabe que suspendí el examen." - I don't know who let the cat out of the bag but everybody knows I failed my exam.

To kill the worm is to take the edge off your hunger. "A ver si con esta tapa matas el gusanillo." - Let's see if you take the edge off your hunger with this tapa.

To be a rat is to be tight-fisted. "No seas rata, déjame €5." - Don't be so tight-fisted, lend me €5.

To pay the duck is to carry the can for something. "Ahora me toca pagar el pato por lo que he hecho." - Now I have to take responsibility for what I've done.

To cut the cod is to call the shots. "Desde que se fue mi padre, yo soy el que corta el bacalao en esta casa." - Since my father left, I'm the one who calls the shots in this house.

There's a trapped cat here means there's something fishy going on. "Aquí hay gato encerrado."

In English you say the streets aren't paved with gold, but in Spain you say the dogs aren't tied up with sausages. "No te vayas a Alemania, ahi los perros no están atados con longanizas." - Don't go to Germany, the streets aren't paved with gold over there.

When the Spanish get a sweat up, they do it chicken-style. "¡Que calor! Estoy sudando como un pollo!" - It's so hot! I'm sweating like a pig.